Don't Poke the Bear at the Zoo!!!

Justin, marketing & promos guru, lets you behind the curtain.

Most of you don't know me. I'm the marketing guy. You get my emails, you've seen my ads, you've more than likely attended some of my promotional events. Yet, on top of all these duties, there is one job I cherish: the only GUY in the office. I get to lift the heavy boxes, I get to the be the bodyguard for the lovely ladies in the office when we go out to events. And when on that rare occasion someone decides to take a shot at my co-workers, I get to be the D.R. (Designated Responder). Don't get me wrong-- the vast majority of our clients and contacts are terrific, kind people. I get far more friendly correspondence than anything else. However, there is a certain anonymity to email that makes people think they can say whatever they like without reproach. Uh, wrong. You see, many cowardly, unhappy souls like to belittle others to make themselves feel better, and email proves a perfect forum. Most of these unkind people wouldn't have the audacity to criticize someone face to face, but they'll happily send a snarky, rude email. And when this inevitably happens (rarely, but it does), I graciously allowed to retort on behalf of the office. Some examples:

1) Inaugural vs. 1st Annual
I sent out an email blast thanking everyone for their attendance at our "first annual Eight at Eight Beach Trip to Destin, Florida." One guy decided to take me to task.

"First annual is incorrect usage. It should be "inaugural". I prefer to spend time with people who know the difference."

Au contraire, mon ami! My response:

Dear XYZ,

We carefully considered the usage of the term "first annual" prior to sending out our email. Just to be certain, we consulted Paul Brian's "Common Errors in English Usage." According to Brian:

"Some people get upset when the “first annual” occurrence of some event is announced, arguing that it doesn’t become annual until it’s been repeated. But “first annual” simply means 'the first of what is planned to be an annual series of events'—it’s a fine expression."

We in the office find that Brian's book is particularly useful when English usage questions come up. We've included the link to purchase the book from Amazon.com should you ever find yourself in need of such a manual.

http://www.amazon.com/Common-Errors-English-Usage-Brians/dp/1887902899/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1211385853&sr=8-1

2) The Inappropriate Guy
Some of Eight at Eight's best employees are pulled right from our client roster. We always try to find sociable, outgoing, and friendly people to host our events. So, when we find ourselves in need of someone new, we comb our email list before ever placing an ad. This practice, though, troubled one of our members.Below is response to one of my coworkers:

Do I get to bang guests for free as part of my salary?  I think you should include that as a perk.  Haha, why would you send this
out to perspective customers? It lowers the perceived value of 8at8 as a service. Why not
hire a bumb by a bridge who could enjoy the free  booze and food?

No so fast, Skippy! No one talks to my coworkers that way! "Banging!" "Booze!" My response:

Dear ABC,  We frequently send out our job postings and event notices to our members, former members
and prospective clients (note that I used the word "prospective," the appropritate word,
as opposed to "perspective," as you did below). We've found in our 10 years of business,
which dates back to when you were a whopping 15 years old!) that word-of-mouth is the best
way to recruit both customers and employees. The vast majority of our employees and clients
have been referred by friends. And seeing as how we are opening our sixth market in  Washington, D.C.
next month, I feel certain that the consensus is that our "perceived
value" hasn't been lowered whatsoever as a result of our methods.    And as for
"banging" guests -- You sound like such a charming guy. I can't imagine why a
25-year-old in the prime of his life for the bar/singles scene, would have even expressed
interest in our dating service! I'm sure you're laying pipe all over the city! Charming
guy like you?? And since you see no value in our service, I've removed you from our
email list. 

Note the spelling of the word "bum" as well. Long story made short-- don't be that guy.
Our email blasts are made to be informaland quickly digested. Nobody likes a jackass,
either. So, please enjoy your stay at the zoo. Just remember, don't poke the bears!

Your Drink Order Speaks Volumes...

The old saying lifted from the dandruff commercial about never getting a second chance to make a first impression turns out to be true. We often get feedback from our clients and hostesses that speak volumes about our dinner guests-- their drink choice.

Before we delve into this, let's be clear: drink what you like. It's your dinner, it's your liver. Likewise, most of the below statements are gross generalizations, so keep that in mind. We're just having a little fun with some of the tendencies we've seen over the year.

Wine
Red or White, it doesn't matter. It's sophisticated, goes great with a meal, and, without too much spinning and sniffing, is an unpretentious selection for your dinner date. White Zin? Your first hint should be that you can get it at Chuck E. Cheese. Avoid.

Beer
Domestic beer has struggled to overcome its blue collar stereotypes, but it alerts everyone at the table that you aren't overly concerned with appearances. You can even step up your game-- order a refreshing hefeweizen (wheat beer) like Hoegarrden or Paulaner served in an attractive tall glass. Even better, opt for a delicious Belgian beer, every bit as sophisticated as a glass of wine and just as versatile with food. However, like wine, avoid playing the snob card. It's unattractive.

Martini
It's a classic for a reason. It's not fruity, meaning you can handle your booze. It's classy, with not an ounce of pretentiousness. A caviat: they're potent, one too many and your great vacation story becomes obscured by your slurring. You've been warned.

Cosmopolitan
Ten years ago, the Cosmo was a perfectly acceptable cocktail for dinner. Now, you look like a Carrie Bradshaw wannabe. It's fine if you like the show, but if it comes off as a TV-show derivative, you risk looking a bit silly.

Scotch
The essential manly man's drink that, paradoxically, work's better in the hand of the ladies. It reflects both refinement and confidence, but it also is more appropriate with certain meals than others. Steak and other hearty foods? Go for it. Comfort food or upscale Mexican? No so much.

Margarita
Speaking of Mexican, its the go-to drink for that most sociable and fun of cuisine. Outside of the confines of such a restaurant, though, and it looks like you're still in college. Its always fine as a starter, but move on to something more "adult" with your meal.

Vodka
Have it straight, with cran, with orange juice, with tonic. It doesn't matter. It's refreshing and always a winner. The same holds true for gin.

Shots
You're at a dinner party, not a kegger. Refrain.

Bourbon
With coke or water, its another certifiable classic libation. With just about anything else (Red Bull), it smacks of desperation. Mint Julep, you ask? It's a lie perpetuated on humanity by the people of Kentucky. Nobody likes them, and they probably never have. Therefore, a dinner order screams "fake."

Champagne and Sparkling Whites
Classy and refined. However, we feel champagne is best reserved for romantic one-on-ones and celebrations. Open bar at a wedding? Knock yourself out.

Again, take all of this with a grain of salt. The most important thing while out on a dinner date is to be yourself. Don't order a drink to impress others. We humans are intuitive creatures, and we generally can see right through it. That being said, take in to account the vibe of the restaurant, the food you will be pairing your drink with, and they company you're keeping. With a little careful consideration, you can't go wrong.