Wednesday, July 7, 2010

The Sweaty, Crooked, Tattered Truth For Blokes

As a matchmaker I walk a fine line between speaking the truth and biting my tongue. Oftentimes, the easiest way to deliver bad news to bachelors is to give them feedback I'm getting about them. Let me tell you GUYS what I hear from ladies as turn-offs. Warning: May induce vomiting or trigger gag reflex.


Turn-off #1 EXCESSIVE SWEATING
Sweating coincides with being overweight. If you're a dead ringer for pre-Subway Jared, you have got to get some help! Being overweight means you're out of shape or lazy. There is nothing - I mean NOTHING - grosser than sitting across from a guy who can't put a dam on his waterfall. Pit stains just don't compare to the tributaries of sweat forming over your face from a brisk walk to the restroom. I see it all the time and it has to stop! Do you really think any woman wants to see you naked?! (Deep breaths.) There's good news: You can control this. The body loses its ability to regulate itself when it doesn't get enough exercise, so get your feet treading on something. Take walks, swim, hike, skate, rumba, etc. There's ten million fun ways to get back into shape, and a dainty dab of deodorant never hurts either.

Turn-off #2 BAD TEETH
It it amazing how simple getting your teeth fixed can be. Your smile might be okay but why not make it perfect? It's somewhat affordable and for 50% of women, it's the first thing they notice about you! I wish so badly that I could recommend Invisalign to all my clients. Maybe your teeth are "sort of straight" but you want your front line soldiers to be the best that they can be! This product will line them up perfectly and you only have to wear a retainer at night. Dental imperfections may work in favor of some people - gap-toothed David Letterman, gnarly-mouthed Steve Buscemi, and fang-toothed Christian Bale - but if you aren't a household name, get rolling with the whitening and straightening. You might think they're "not all that bad", but trust me: They are!

Turn off #3 OLD CLOTHES
Repeat after me: If an article of clothing is over 3 years old, throw it out. If it needs carbon dating, BURN IT. Working with a stylist is not expensive. Macy's and Nordstrom have ladies who do not work on commission who will help you assemble a reinvigorated wardrobe. Trust me, it really makes their day to turn an Ugly Duckling into the Swan Prince. Plan on investing in a first date outfit (including shoes, a watch, and a belt) and wear it religiously. Even if you're dating 7 nights a week, no one will notice the outfit recycling but you! You will be so amazed at the compliments you receive just by cleaning up your fashion act.

I am on the front lines talking to over 100 singles every week. I'm merely a messenger (don't shoot me!), but to optimize your chances of finding the best person out there please take these into consideration. Best of luck!

From 8at8 with love,
Sarah Kathryn Smith