Dating Don't #137: Craig's List

If we've said it once, we've said it a hundred times: when it comes to dating services, there is no such thing as a free lunch. You can brave the bar scene and be set up with friends of friends for free, but membership fees are, believe it or not, a good thing. Need proof? Browse through the personals on Craig's List.

You might think: "Hmm, it's free. There are tons of nice people out there. What's the harm in looking?" Let's dispel this myth in short order, shall we? He are some of the highlight's from today's Atlanta listings:

• "I've always entertained this fantasy of meeting a stranger and making love all day [...] Please be sane, attractive, D&D free, with a good imagination, and you should like cheap Chinese food and red wine :)"


• "Are you the kind of lady that has the personality needed to enjoy earning $150.00 and up giving a middle aged man a spanking?"


• "In town for a few days would like to meet a girl lactating thats interested in letting me breastfeed from her. We can talk about compensating you for your time."

Okay, so men have cornered the market on creepy, right? The oddball women are all over CL, too.

• "Can you be my Daddy?"
  
• "I do have a lazy eye if you have a problem with that then move on."


• "I have a special fascination with religious play and ageplay.

The old saying holds true--different strokes for different folks. That being said, you have to wade through hundreds of these to find the legitimate people on Craig's List. Then, when you've found someone promising, you're likely to be directed to a porn site or some scam. This is why Eight at Eight has been in business for ten years. You deal with real, carbon-based, oxygen-breathing people. You can sense the sparks if there are any. You can't hide behind photoshopped pictures and you can't spout your fantasies out as if you were writing out your grocery list. Eight at Eight is for smart, successful people who can afford the option to allow someone to weed out the, er, more unusual singles out there. Perhaps, though, there is a market out there for a B&D/S&M dating service? Dominate at Eight, anyone?

Inside the Odd Minds of Men

While flipping channels the other night, I came across a movie that I've seen a couple of times and found it to be farily amusing. The movie is High Fidelity, the John Cusack comedy from 2000 about an unlucky-in-love pushing-40 record store clerk in Chicago. I gave it a longer look this time because Justin, our communications guy, assures me it is one of the more accurate depictions of the male psyche ever captured on film (at least as it pertains to dating and relationships).

I must say, I think he's on to something. (For those of you who haven't seen it, stop reading now). Here are some of the nuggets of reality that one can find in the movie.

1) When Cusack's girlfriend leaves him to move in with another man, one of his first questions is if the sex is better with the new guy or him. Cusack's heart is broken, but his ego may have suffered the most damage.

2) When his lovelorn angst begins to overwhelm him, our hero seeks out a new conquest, a hipster bar singer (Lisa Bonet, as in Cosby Show Lisa Bonet!). Cusack has a great time with her, even spends the night, but the moment he bolts for the door, he immediately turns his attention back to the girlfriend who burned him. Guys, it seems, aren't always thinking about sex. Sex is a distraction!

3) Cusack is lying in bed, having sweat-filled nightmares about his ex and her new lover. In his brain, she is like a porn star with an insatiable sexual appetite. She was driven into the arms of another man because he couldn't meet her requirements as a partner. Now, it is pretty clear throughout the rest of the movie that his ex is a pretty normal woman who, up until the start of the film, had accepted Cusack for who he was. It seems unlikely that after years together she would cut and leave on sex alone. But, in the male mind, its perfectly reasonable!

So High Fidelity is a pretty accurate summation of that part of the male internal monologue we so rarely get to hear. It is a funny film, even touching in some instances, but what really stands out in my mind is how the male protagonist is a wounded, scared little boy when it comes to love. He's frightened and unsure of himself and absolutely dependent on his girlfriend for reassurance and comfort. Maybe some of us ladies should take a few notes and realize the male psyche is more fragile than we might think.

Fly on the wall for a Blind Date

Blind dates are awkward enough, but can you imagine having a photographer follow you and your running commentary printed for thousands to see? The Washington Post publishes their always funny Date Lab, where they set up singles for dates and then allow them to come clean about their evening out to the reading public. Think: the Blind Date tv show without the fake breasts and hot tubs).

The results, in this case, were not so great. Sample quote: "you guys sucks at matchmaking." Guess the Post should just leave it to the pros, huh?

Where are all of the single people?

We get this question a lot. "Where are all of the attractive single men?" or "Why can't I find any good singles in [insert city here]?" We frequently see studies (such as this on from Forbes) that tell you which cities are the best to be single that are based on a multitude of factors ranging from median income, education level, health statistics, etc.

But where can one find the greatest concentration of singles, regardless of the criteria. I'm talking that mainstay of Male Dating Logic: the RATIO! The Interactive Singles Map provides us with some answers. At the top of the map is a sliding scale that you can manipulate to determine which cities have the most favorible guy:girl ratio. As you will soon see, the numbers are astonishing.

For instance, the #1 city to be single in America, according to Forbes, is Atlanta. I ran the numbers for ages 25-44 for this city and found that there are, on average, 7 more single men per 1000 people than women. That's not statistically significant. However, the numbers begin to skew more as move through the Forbes' Top 10. Here are some surprising ones:

Dallas: 34 more men than women per 1000 people.

Los Angeles: 41 more men

Seattle: 41 more men

Orlando: 38 more men

Madison, Wisconsin: 51 more men!

So, the numbers show that the ladies have, by and large, better odds than men. Which cities form the flipside of the coin, displaying a significantly higher female:male ratio? Only a few: Fayeteville, NC; Kileen, TX; and Brownsville, TX.

The news, clearly, is not good for men. It gets worse, though. Take the right side of the slider at the top of the map and push it to the right. Note how all of the those blue bubbles begin to shrink and then large portions of the country show pink bubbles in places that once had none. It's like time-lapse photography of a plant budding! This map, then, is a double-whammy for men. Not only are you odds worse than your female counterparts, but you are also reminded of you eminent mortality. Hey, guys: you're not just single, you're close to death!

Can a recession actuall improve the quality of our lives?

A couple of months ago, Time ran a lenthy article entitled "The End of Excess," which suggests that the recession isn't such a bad thing after all. It serves to check the greed and materialism of our society and bring our conception of wealth and happiness into the more moderate portion of the spectrum. Could this be true?

I don't mean to say that we should whistle in the unemployment line and toss away our tanking 401k statements without a care. As a business owner and friend to many who have been affected, I am well aware of the negative impact of the the sliding economy of our homes, our relationships, our wealth. However, the Time piece spurred a line of thought that might be worth pursuing.

One of the alternatives to travel that has emerged in the wake of the economy is the notion of the "staycation," or, put another way, staying close to home for leisure trips. Aside from the savings, there is an added benefit to that. I would wager a guess that few of us out there have thoroughly explored our cities--their museums, their parks, the hole-in-the-wall eateries, the numerous oddball things to do that most of us never try. It has been said that people who take these "staycations" leave with a greater appreciation for the local and near-by. We, as a culture, are addicted to the glitzy and new. Maybe its time we have some new experiences by peeking around a corner we've never bothered exploring.

Similarly, I've attended a lot more small gatherings and dinners with friends lately. Instead of a concert or a movie, we're preparing meals together and dusting off the Monopoly board. These activities don't seem like much, but, in a very real way, they bring our friends closer together. Often, we get stuck in the rut of routine and passivity. The recession has helped me interact with those closest to me more than in the past.

As the owner of a dating service, I'm not suggesting you all cancel your memberships and make s'mores over fire buckets in alleyways. In fact, I think the recession may prove the benefit of our service in that it brings people together. When the chips are down, we need one another in a very real way. We are, at last, social creatures. Perhaps the slide in the market serves to reiterate what is really important. Perhaps, in the oddest of ways, there is an upside to a downturn.